Momentary rant!

I try to be grateful in all that I do and keep my perspective on everything positive, as I know my condition/prognosis/situation could be so much worse but sometimes I fail at that. Now on my third day in the hospital, it’s hard to keep my patience with the medical system because there are so many inconsistencies, sloppy mistakes and general frustrations that occur that shouldn’t. I know it’s impossible to specialize in everything and know everything but I’m talking about simple, sloppy mistakes like me having to tell the nurse I already had the shot she’s about to give me, which this time is actually logged into the computer she’s working on. I’ve also had to gather all my patience that’s accessible, as my IV beeps incessantly and the nurse station yet again says they’ll send a nurse down and then 45 minutes later still hasn’t. I’m not trying to get sympathy or pity, but I do have cancer, a fever, and really bad nausea from these precautionary antibiotics I’m receiving while I wait for the cultures to come back. I don’t have a lot of resources left to devote to tuning out a loud beeping IV. I’ve now learned how to restart the drip, to make sure it’s completely empty before I even bother calling the nurse, and turn it off while I wait for them to get here. Through all of this, I have been appreciative of the work they do because I know they are overworked and busy and I have not complained a single time (to them 😉). Several times throughout my stay, I’ve had good friends step out to finally find a nurse for me, only to find 2-3 standing around at the nursing station. Still no complaints, I’m not a nurse and I don’t know what they might be doing that is probably (hopefully) prioritized for a reason.

Then this morning at 3 am, my IV starts beeping. I call the nurse station (as I’m supposed to, because I asked to make sure I wasn’t double notifying/ bugging them if they had something else that told them automatically already), no one comes as promised, call again, this time leaving the beeping so she can see the notification on the machine that says there’s an air bubble in the line and then after awhile, still no one comes. So it being 3 am, me being sick and tired, I turn it off and roll over to go to sleep. I know its just fluids, not medicine and since I pound water all day, I’m not concerned. Frankly, it’s me or the IV at this point.

I then struggle to fall asleep, so I take one of my super low dose Xanax pills, that my oncologist prescribed me for sleep, and that is the same medicine and same dose that the hospital nurses have administered during my stay here. Yes, I’m sure they’d prefer I ring in and wait an hour for them to come administer it themselves but frankly, it’s been on my table with all my vitamins amd supplements, as it has been my whole visit, and at 3 am, I’m not too interested in requesting anything else.

So then my nurse comes in to wake me up at 7 am for shift change, at which point she discovers I’ve turned my IV off. I explain why, no apology from her just a stern, “call my line directly next time.” (Which I had done a couple of times earlier in the day, had less luck at reaching anyone, and also couldn’t see the number across the room on the board in the dark (because it is 3 am after all). She then moves on to confiscating all of my vitamins and supplements (Xanax as well obviously), and gives me a stern, “oh no, oh, no no.” talking to about having all of these things that I’ve had for three days and that no one told me I couldn’t have. She comes back with the new nurse after taking my stuff, they lock it up in the cabinet across from me and the new nurse gives me the same cranky face, rude chastising chat about trying to I guess support my body with healthy things, that have never needed approval before. I’m tired, I’m sick, oh and I have cancer, but I try to have my patience as I know nurses work hard. I’m told they’ll all be checked and have to be approved later whenever the hospitalist can make his rounds. Cool, thanks.

Luckily for me, the on call oncologist at the cancer center made a quick pop in just an hour later to check on me. I tell her my physical ailments and then mention that I need my vitamins back, with a brief summary of what happened and she immediately stands up and puts a note in the computer to approve everything I have, sight unseen. Oh, also while rolling her eyes. She then asks how I slept, so I told her the Xanax story and mentioned that I didn’t sleep a lot of hours and now don’t have my Xanax to help me go back to sleep so she immediately puts an order in for an Ativan IV drip to put me right out and tells me to ask for her specifically if I need anything the rest of the weekend. Thank you! I also told her I stopped taking Tylenol last night for the headache my nausea medicine gives me because the hospitalist told me they won’t know if I have a fever, which makes sense so I’m not complaining, just relaying all my facts as I’ve learned is helpful to keep all my nurses and doctors on the same page. She said keep on with the Tylenol if I want, as it won’t hide a significant fever which is all that matters. I try to politely tell her I’m struggling with who I’m supposed to listen to and all of the inconsistencies, to which she points out she’s an oncologist so just listen to her.

I’m not trying to hate on nurses at all, I actually started this rant initially to get to the point about how appreciative and thankful I am for the nurses and oncologists at the cancer center because they really, really work hard to make me as comfortable as possible throughout this journey. I’m low on sleep and now (an hour and 15 mins later) still waiting for a hospital nurse to come unlock my vitamins and start my sleeping meds so please give me some grace with my venting. I’m continuing to learn how important it is to advocate for yourself and stay on top of what is supposed to be happening to your body. I’m excited to get my bloodwork done (which got skipped on the last nurse’s shift somehow so the oncologist put in an immediate order for that as well) to see if my white count is up high enough for me to be discharged and looking forward to leaving the hospital.

On the bright side, I have these two beautiful bouquets from my church and the Welbaums waiting for me at the nurse station for when I’m discharged!